Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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