there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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