Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
