i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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