he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
