the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize