I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
