When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
