bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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