he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
