i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
