why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
