I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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