I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
