Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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