i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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