She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
