thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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