I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
