My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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