Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
