I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
