I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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