He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
