We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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