so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
