Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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