i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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