I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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