Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
