I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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