Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
