You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
