So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
