Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
