can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just google imaged poop.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
