Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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