Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
