Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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