she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
