the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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