I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
