She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
