Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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