these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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