She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
