she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
