The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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