After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.