Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.