don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.