Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless