The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free