Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites