The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
