I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
