What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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