Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
