He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
