Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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