How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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