I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
