i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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