Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
