Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
