i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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