when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
