i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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