Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
