I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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