is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize