She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
