dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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