I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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