So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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