Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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