in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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