I showed him my bush... on skype.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
