I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
