I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
