Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were destined to go to rehab together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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