i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
