I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
