I'm jealous of your bromance
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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