Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
