My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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